


To Lose And To Gain

by Hekate1308



Series: Children of Purgatory [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 12, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 05:22:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12005922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hekate1308/pseuds/Hekate1308
Summary: For about two weeks, their crazy, wonderful life went its way, now with Mom there to witness it in all its glory.





	To Lose And To Gain

For about two weeks, their crazy, wonderful life went its way, now with Mom there to witness it in all its glory.

Crowley spent quite some time over the pond, both to lie to and spy on the Men of Letters. They are definitely planning something, but Lady Bevell’s plan hadn’t been pre-approved and she spent her days in a cell.

Naturally, they didn’t trust him enough to let him know all their plans.

“They have a reason for it” Madison said lightly one day as he complained about it during dinner.

“Yes, but they don’t know I am betraying them and I am a demon. I am an expert when it comes to destruction – “

“Seems to me they don’t want to destroy as much as control, and you can’t tell me that demons are the best at that” Dean said.

Crowley conceded the point.

Mom was silent, but then she’d been rather quiet since she returned. Dean had no idea if that was normal or not, but thought they should probably give her some time to adjust.

“Anyone up for a Star Trek night?” Emma piped up.

Dean grinned.

“You know me too well.”

“The Original Series, right?” Cas asked.

“You and your love for Kirk...”

“Upstanding, has been through so much yet continues to be the strong, wonderful man that he is, smart, courageous...” Cas took his hand and Dean blushed.

His boyfriend had gotten way too good at flirting since they finally admitted there might be something between them.

“I am trying to eat here” Crowley reminded them.

“And you are the only one who doesn’t have to” Sam said.

“That doesn’t mean I want to watch them make heart eyes while I – “

Emma nudged him with her elbow.

“You’re just grumpy because you haven’t managed to get rid of the Men of Letters single-handedly by now”.

Yes, their team in the bunker was about as weird as teams could get.

And Dean wouldn’t have traded it for anything.

Still, that night, as Em was starting another episode, he stood up.

“I’ll check on Mom”.

Cas squeezed his hand as he left.

He knocked on her door.

“Come in”.

She was reading Dad’s journal again.

Dean almost wished Sam had never given it to her. While it was important she learned about their lives and had a right to know, there must have been a nicer way to show her just how badly her husband had coped with her death.

“Hey, just wanted to see how you were. Do you need anything? A cup of tea, maybe?”

“No, thank you”. She smiled at him.

“It just... felt a little crowded”.

“I get that”.

A pause.

“Mom, I – “

“Dean, I think we should go on a hunt” she interrupted him.

Just like her new haircut this morning, it took him by surprise.

“You sure? I thought you might want some time to – “

“I’m a hunter. That’s what I do.”

“You retired – “

“Dean, I just – I want to be doing something”.

That, he understood.

And so, the next morning, Crowley decided to visit England again, while Emma, Madison and Cas chose to stay behind to let them have some time with their mother.

And theoretically, all went well. Sure, Mom was possessed for a bit and they got banged up, but that was nothing new.

At least he thought so until they came back to the bunker.

The others were already waiting for them, but just when Dean was about to ask what they should have for dinner, Mom said, “I need to leave”.

“What?” was all he could say.

And then he stood there as the mother who had born him, the woman he had yearned for all his life told him and Sam that, as far as she was concerned, they weren’t her sons because she’d had her babies in heaven.

By God, if his family hadn’t been standing around him...

This hurt like a son of a bitch regardless, but as he automatically accepted her hug, he could only think of how he would have felt if she and Sam had been the only ones he had.

* * *

 

Emma couldn’t believe it.

The others had decided to leave Mary to her packing and her –

But not she. Not Emma Winchester. She had fought her way through Purgatory, she had returned to her father, and she couldn’t stand this.

She knocked on her door.

“Dean?”

“It’s me” she said, stepping in.

Mary looked at her.

“Emma”.

It was the first time she had pronounced her name since arriving here.

“Why are you leaving?”

“I told –“

“Yeah, and that was about the worst reason you could come up with. Seriously? You don’t like Dad and Uncle Sam the way they are? They are heroes! They saved the world!”

“It’s not about them. It’s me. I can’t – “

“You’re not the only one who died and came back to life” she reminded her.

“That’s different. You’re an Amazon. You’re not – “

“Human” she interrupted her flatly. “Neither are Madison, Cas or Crowley, but we still feel things, you know”.

“I know you do. It’s just – it’s not normal, coming back after you’ve died”.

“I’m aware, but who needs normal anyway?”

“That’s what I meant. This is – I need things to go back to normal”.

“And instead of getting used to this normal you are running away”.

It was not a question.

“I see”.

Maybe if she had just returned, she would have been more sympathetic. But all she could see was a woman who walked out on her family rather than get to know them, and she turned and left.

Dad was waiting for her in the corridor.

“She’s still leaving” he said, reading her face.

“She still loves you” she rushed to comfort him, “she’s only – “

He raised a hand.

“Em, stop. I had to do that when I was a kid and Mom and Dad fought. No child of mine will ever have to comfort me like that”.

He hugged her.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“As fine as I can be.”

It was enough, for the time being.

* * *

 

Time went on. Now and then they got a text from Mom – she never told them where exactly she was, but Dean figured she’d ask if she needed help – but mostly they lived their day-to-day lives, and so he soon noticed that, as the weeks passed, Crowley started acting weird.

He was still working on the Men of Letters, and accompanying them on hunts, as had become his habit when he’d been hiding from Lucifer and grown bored, of course, but other than that, he was growing quiet. Introspective, almost.

Except for the time where Dean found him in front of the dungeon, laughing like a maniac.

Yeah. Something was the matter with him.

So maybe he really should have expected this.

Cas had driven over to Garth’s for a few days; he’d hit up a case where he could really profit from some angelic knowledge; and maybe because he missed his boyfriend’s presence, Dean found it difficult to go to sleep. He was getting a glass of water from the kitchen when he heard a crash emitting from the library.

The bunker was too well-warded for it to be something really bad, so he decided to check it out.

He definitely had not been expecting to see the King of Hell trying to hold himself up on a chair.

“Crowley? What they – “

He grimaced when he noticed the tell-tale smell.

“Are you – what did you do?”

“I had a few drinks” he slurred. “And then a few more – and then a few more – and then – “

“I get it” he interrupted him. “Are you back on – “

“Noooooooo, I ditched the human blood. Wouldn’t want you to be angry at me”.

“That’s nice to know”.

“Dean? Who am I?”

The question took him by surprise.

“Last time I checked, you were Crowley, the King of Hell. Why – “

“But I can’t be!”

He mumbled something that sounded like “identity” and “evil”, but Dean didn’t pay attention. He was wondering how to get him to his room.

Crowley would probably be embarrassed if he woke up the others, and they needed their rest.

He left him alone for a moment to get the demon handcuffs. He wouldn’t like it, but it was the best way to –

“Hey!” Crowley complained when he snapped it on his right wrist.

In the next moment, he was standing at the other side of the table, actually pouting.

“What the – “

He wasn’t supposed to be able to get out of –

“That’s not all” he wailed. “Watch this!”

And before Dean could stop him, he’d pulled a bottle of holy water out of his pocket and thrown it into his own face.

“Crowley!”

He needed a moment to realize there was no reaction.

“What the – wait here”.

He got another bottle.

“Great, I’m thirsty anyway”.

And Crowley emptied it like it was nothing.

Dean could only stare as he went back to babbling to himself.

And that was when Emma showed up.

“Dad, I heard – what the hell?“

“Yes” he said, “The King of Hell is plastered. You’re welcome”.

“Miss Squirrel!” Crowley greeted her. “You really have your father’s eyes!”

“How much did he have to drink to – “

“I have no idea, but when Cas tried, he drained a whole liquor store. Pretty sure he’s had more”.

Trying to get him to stand up straight wasn’t easy.

“Em, I could really use some help from that Amazon strength of yours”.

She shook her head.

“Right. Sorry”.

Crowley continued babbling as they half-carried him to his room.

“What’s that about holy water?”she asked.

“Let’s get him to bed, I’ll explain later”.

It was really weird to see Crowley passed out, but he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Dean automatically put him into the recovery position before he remembered that a demon couldn’t exactly choke.

 “So what’s going on?” Em asked when they were sitting in the kitchen drinking juice because alcohol wasn’t an option and it was too late for coffee (when had he grown so old anyway).

“I’m not entirely sure. I think he wanted to go to his room, and ended up on the library table instead”.

After a pause he continued, “First of all, I believe he feels... guilty about your grandmother leaving”.

The last thing he would ever have expected when he first met Crowley would have been the demon feeling guilty about anything.

And yet here they were.

“She didn’t just leave because of him”.

Emma held her head up defiantly.

“And I don’t feel guilty”.

“You shouldn’t. We understand she needs some time...”

“She basically told you she can’t see her sons in you!” Emma burst out before calming down.

“Sorry, Dad”.

“You have nothing to feel sorry for”.

He reached out and squeezed her hand.

“Really, Em. I won’t deny it stung, but... it didn’t hit me nearly as hard as it would have, under other circumstances. But now... I’ve got you, and Cas, and yes, we all got Crowley. We’ll be fine. And when she decides to come back... she’ll have to live with us as we are”.

She nodded.

“There’s more though. I think he’s having an... identity crisis”.

“Seriously? Isn’t he a little too old for that?”

“That might be, but who knows when it comes to him. And he certainly has a reason to feel weird”.

He told her about the holy water.

“And it was holy water?”

“Yeah. Got another bottle to make sure. He downed the whole thing without blinking an eye. And when I tried to cuff him – “

“You what?”

“I figured it would make it easier to get him to his room, but he just teleported out of them and pouted at me”.

Emma snickered.

“Must have looked awesome. So holy water doesn’t bother him and the handcuffs can’t hold him?”

“Yes. I assume it’s the same with devil’s traps. Once, that would have been scary as hell, but now...”

He shrugged.

“Could come in handy”.

“Absolutely. Did he say anything?”

“He dramatically monologued away about how his identity is not what he thought it was or something like that. Actually, I have a theory... Now, monsters, their iron problem, it’s just in their DNA. But demons... everything we use against demons we use because it works against evil. What if...”

“You think Crowley isn’t evil anymore” she said. After a moment she confessed, “I haven’t thought of him like that for a while.”

“To be honest? Me neither”.

Dean looked down into his glass.

“Feeling guilty probably pushed him over the edge from “barely evil” to “good”. Demons never feel guilty about anything”.

It had been one of the plus points of becoming one.

“So we might have some Brits after us, but at least there’s a good demon on our side” Emma said.

“I’d say we stand a pretty good chance.”

“Yeah.” Dean chuckled.

“Feels good for once, right?”

She grinned at him.

The door opened.

“Ah, there’s your boyfriend. I’ll go to bed. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do” she teased him.

“Young lady, you have no say in what I am and am not allowed to do. Parents privilege”.

She hugged him and went to bed.

Even with Mom out there –

As Dean smiled at Cas, he knew he’d found peace.


End file.
